Traitor

It's a hard time right now for me.  I've been in my new position now for 3 weeks on my own and I'm starting to feel comfortable, like I'm now getting to be part of the Client Services Department instead of just an observer or outsider.  The problem is I now feel like I'm a traitor for having left the box and am no longer a CSR.  Turns out there was a going away party for some friends in the box, at least I thought they were friends-but it turns out I wasn't invited, so maybe we're not friends.  It hurts just like junior high all over again.  I do something good for myself and feel bad about it. I'm hoping there's something I'm missing about the situation, but still, doesn't make it hurt less.

It's no lie that my best friend is my husband-it's true.  Now I'm beginning to wonder who is really a friend or who is just patronizing me when they invite me to events.  I want that girlfriend who I talk to all the time, but I just don't.  I'm the odd girl out.  I'm tired of caring for people who have little or no concern for me. 

My biggest worry is that Sam will turn out like me and I really don't want that.  The thought terrifies me.  I've got plenty of "friends" but yet when it comes down to it, I don't know many who would come to my rescue if needed help.  Yet people have called me when they need cakes done now, have flat tires, need picked up hours away, etc.  I'm tired of being the one who is a friend for others only when it's convenient for them. 

I need to get out of this funk, because it's driving me to a really dark and sad place and I don't want that.  I need to snap out of it.  Not that anybody reads this, but if you do and you really are a friend, don't just say it-show it, cause I could really use it right about now.